Magnus (SoloWingPixy) vs. Princess Peach

With his helmet once more in its rightful place, Magnus turned to see the princess resuming her prior posture, as if she hadn't just nosedived straight into the ground. The spitting image of royalty, he thought idly to himself. Gotta keep up that mask no matter how bad things get, right? Still, despite her calm demeanor, Magnus suspected that she might be a little annoyed by such an obvious misstep...or at least, he hoped she was. Either way, he thought, eyeing his abandoned greaves, it might be a good idea to make sure she's annoyed. After all, if I can get my armor back, then she'd be at square one, wouldn't she? Even a midara like her would probably be pretty ticked off by that happening.

He paused. Well. Maybe he should be careful to not piss her off too much--God knows how bad that had turned out for him. Still, an angry princess notwithstanding, getting his armor back would always be useful. With that in mind, Magnus struck quickly, trying to catch his opponent off-guard without the obvious "hey-I'm-rearing-back-you-should-probably-dodge-this" that might have accompanied his more powerful attacks.

(Set 'em up, Knock 'em down! – Magnus quickly strikes the enemy with the shaft of his poleaxe, knocking them off balance. He then hooks their legs with the back of the blade, Knocking them Down to the ground and dealing 1 damage.)

(...Is this dickish? I'm gonna go ahead and pencil this in as a dick move.)

(Dick move noted! Nah, just kidding, as long as it's fair, I don't really mind. Nothing wrong with trying to knock me down again, since you still have to pass The RNG (Random Number Generator))

Set 'em up, Knock 'em down: 60
As the princess approaches him, he hits her stomach with his shaft (of his poleaxe, of course), and then proceeds to throw her off balance. The princess once again falls onto the ground, but this time, she pouts her lips and says: "Oww, you knocked me down again! Would you please help me stand up, my lovely knight?" in an attempt to throw him off guard.

Magnus hesitated only for a moment before going to retrieve his greaves. Still, even a moment's too long, he mused. Even if it's a midara, a fair, innocent-looking maiden, fallen to the ground and asking for help was enough to throw me off a bit. He shook his head. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

Not that this moment of self-doubt had been visible to his opponent. Having a face-concealing helmet was useful for many things, after all. "Sorry, Your Highness," he said as he pulled his greaves into place. "It's a little hard for me to be your knight in shining armor if I don't have my armor, eh?" He pointed at his chestplate, the last piece of his armor yet to be recovered. "You wouldn't by any chance be okay with me fixing that problem, would ya?"

Magnus had managed to put his greaves back on again, with the princess unable to do anything about it. As he points towards his chestplate, Peach walks up to him, saying: "Sure mister! But you don't need that helmet to be my lovely knight, you know?"

Take off helmet: 34
She pushes up against him, pressing her chest against his (with the knight feeling that her chest is quite a bit bigger than the dress shows) and swiftly takes off his helmet again, giggling as she playfully holds it behind her back while still pressing up against him.

Well, so much for going back to square one, Magnus thought as the princess pushed herself up against him. His eyes reflexively went down to her chest, with her breasts visibly squeezing against him even through the dress. Definitely not wearing a bra under there. He wondered, just for a moment, what they would look like without the dress...

He snapped himself out of his reverie with a jerk of his head, and stared for a moment into those hungry eyes. Still just as dangerous as before, he knew, no matter what sweet words she spoke to him.

Alright, enough of this. It was time to start doing some damage. He had his crotch covered (though for how long, he wondered, before forcing himself to dismiss the thought), and that would have to be enough. He shoved the princess away, and said with a glare, "Listen, princess. I'm not your knight. There are other people out there who need my help just as much as you did." He paused. "Well, as much as you appeared to, anyway. I'm still not quite sure if you and the turtle had some sort of deal going on, or something." He shook his head. "Look, the point is, I won't let you just keep me here! I've got a job to do," he said as he gripped his poleaxe with both hands, "and I'll be damned if I let you get in the way of that!"

To drive the point home, he brought the blade of his poleaxe back and swung it forward in a horizontal slash.

(Normal attack)

Normal attack: 9
With an angry glare, Magnus swings his blade towards her, but she simply ducks under it with little effort before pushing up to him again, putting a hand on his cheek and saying: "Oh my, you seem to misunderstand! Of course you can go help others, mister, just as soon as I'm down with you..."

Peach's lips: 78
She bends forward and kisses him on his nose, then both cheeks, before reeling back and saying in a playful voice: "Are you reaaaally sure you won't be my knight for tonight?" and kissing him softly on the lips.

Peach - 21
Magnus - 12

The princess's words actually gave Magnus significant pause. Was she...was she actually telling the truth? He'd never fought a midara himself before, but all the rumors and stories he'd heard about them suggested that their victims were usually never seen again.

And then her lips came and gave him very significant pause. Unlike the almost animalistic makeout session earlier, these kisses were gentle and loving, seeming to provide more evidence that she meant him no harm. If she was really telling the truth, then...then...

Magnus backed away. No, this could still be a trick. He couldn't take any chances here. Hell, his internal struggle could easily have been what she was trying to create with her words in the first place. Besides, even if she was telling the truth, this was still a fight, regardless of the stakes. And Magnus hadn't made his name known through losing.

...He wanted so badly to be able to believe her, though. Not to fall for her wiles--I'm not that far gone yet, damn it--but to bring back the feeling he hadn't been able to indulge in since his old fighting days. Back in the arena, where there were no stakes aside from pride and glory; no innocent lives being held hostage by bandits, no towns being threatened by dragons. A time where all he had to worry about was his own skill versus his opponent's, and not the consequences of victory or defeat.

He allowed himself to quietly bask in the feeling, pretending for a moment that he believed the princess's words. In a strange way, they calmed him, and allowed him to see clearly past his anger over the stakes in order to focus solely on the battle. He slowly settled into a defensive stance, holding his poleaxe at the ready.

Te Affligam! – Magnus drops into a defensive counter-stance, attempting to bait the enemy into attacking him. If the enemy’s next roll fails, then Magnus parries them and counter-attacks for free, dealing 3 damage.

(On a side note...I should really add some sort of kick or shove to this guy's moveset, so he can create distance in order to use his charge moves on the fly instead of only at certain points of a fight. Oh well, ya live and learn!)

(The things you learn in the midst of battle...)

Magnus waits for the princess to make a move, so that he can attack her if she makes a mistake.

Peach Bomber: 81
The princess turns away from him, bends forward, and then jumps towards him, ass-forward! He quickly sidesteps as the princess flies by him, and his jaw drops as she hits the wall and shatters the bricks composing it, before quickly focusing and swinging his blade toward his stomach, hitting her square in the gut.

(Since the attack originated from Smash Brothers, I decided to give it extra destructive capability- as a twist to her kind and playful demeanor)

Magnus grinned as the princess started her attack. He knew this one; more importantly, he already knew how to counter it. All it took was a simple sidestep, and swat her out of the air with the bla--Jesus Christ, what did she do to the wall?!

Magnus stared in disbelief at what used to be a perfectly functional castle wall, now splayed across the floor like it was wood splintered by a greataxe. He could barely get his thoughts in order in time to actually counter the attack.

His newfound composure broke at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. "What the fuck, lady?! Are you trying to kill me?!" Granted, that wasn't exactly anything new to Magnus, but he certainly hadn't expected the princess to be the latest successor in the long line of people who didn't want him to be doing that whole "walking and breathing" thing anymore.

Well. Danger to one's life was always an excellent motivator, and Magnus was no exception to this. Putting the many questions that he now had to the back of his mind, he pulled back and stabbed forward with his poleaxe.

(Normal attack)

Normal attack: 66 (Crown 52)
The princess turns toward him and says: "Well, I thought it would be fine, with you wearing your armor..." before she once again gets hit by his poleaxe slamming into her.

Peach's lipstick: 90 Critical hit
"I'm really sorry mister, I didn't mean to make you mad" she said, tears dwelling in her eyes. "Can I make it up to you with another kiss?" She then takes her lipstick again, and puts another layer on her lips, as she sweetly kisses him again.

Peach's blow: 14
The princess then steps back, looking him in the eye, and says: "Are you happy again, mister knight?" as she puts her finger to her lips, and blows a pink heart at him, which lands on his face, arousing him.

Peach - 16
Magnus - 9

(Also, that reaction of yours was pure gold)

Magnus was a little too busy with his tirade to notice the princess applying another layer of lipstick. "Armor, my ass! Even if half of it wasn't lying around on the floor, do you really think I'd be okay when the goddamn bricks were smashed apammmphhfghgf?"

Magnus' anger disappeared along with his speech when the princess's lips met his own. She kissed him softly, but firmly enough to keep him from talking. Their taste, their warmth, their softness; it was all simply intoxicating. Magnus found himself unconsciously leaning down into the kiss, and he felt a strange sense of loss when the princess broke away. He looked up at her with a hint of longing, and was rewarded with a pink heart that splashed against his face. It felt even better than the kiss--it felt as if the princess' lips were covering his entire face at once. He stood there, dazed, as his knees grew weak and he had to lean on his poleaxe for support.

This was bad. Very bad. He knew he needed to get back into the fight, but his window for doing so was rapidly closing. He didn't trust himself to win a battle of pure attrition at this point--he needed some sort of advantage to put him and the princess on even ground. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm himself enough to restore the strength in his legs. When he opened them again, he raised his poleaxe high into the air. This was a risky move, he knew, but it was the only chance he had at this point. He just had to hope that he didn't hit that crown...

(Te Occidam! – Magnus brings his poleaxe up high, and smashes the hammer into the enemy’s skull, dazing them and decreasing their accuracy for 2 turns (enemy must roll twice successfully in order to hit. Does not apply to guaranteed hits). Also deals 1 damage.)

(Also, thanks, I try :3 Though to be fair, if I was in Magnus' position, I'd probably be just as shocked!)

Te Occidam!: 33
Magnus slams his hammer down once again, but Peach's jumps sideways as the hammer merely hits the ground.

Peach's lipstick: 14
The girl once again puts a layer of lipstick on her lips, making them even pinker, then gives him a kiss right on his lips. She then moves down, kissing his chin, his throat, his chest, his stomach, leaving a continuous trail of pink kiss marks, before stopping when she reaches his armor, saying "Aww, looks like I can't go any further than this. Shall we change that?"

Peach - 16
Magnus - 7

This swing was the light at the end of the tunnel. Magnus knew that if it connected, he'd be able to get back into the fight. Victory sure as hell wouldn't be easy, but he'd been in worse spots before. He'd be able to win somehow.

Then the poleaxe hit the ground with a dull thud, and that light abruptly winked out of existence, shrouding the tunnel in darkness.

Magnus' blood turned to ice. No...

That was it. His last chance, gone like a scrap of paper in the wind. The princess had already won.

Lust mixed in with his despair as the princess gave him another bewitching kiss, then moved down lower and lower, getting closer and closer to dealing the final blow...

Magnus held his poleaxe shakily. To hell with that, he thought. His subconscious might have thrown in the towel, but he was determined to go down swinging. He backed off from the princess, ignoring her promise of what was to come, and swung his poleaxe forward, with all the strength of his body behind it.

(Normal attack)

Normal attack: 84 (Crown 1)
The poleaxe swings towards Peach, who is still standing up, and hits her in the face, as she reels back from the force of the hit. "Geez, you still have so much strength left, mister" she says with a pouting face, rubbing her cheek, "Can't you think of another way to show me your strength?"

Strip armor: 71
She walks towards him, and starts tugging at his pants, saying "Here, I'll make it easier for you to think by taking this off", but Magnus is able to push her back, but not before she steals another quick kiss from him.

Peach - 14
Magnus - 7

Magnus felt some grim satisfaction as the princess reeled back from his strike. Not that he exactly enjoyed inflicting pain on her, of course; it was simply heartening to actually see that his blows were actually having a visible effect for once. That being said, though, it was only a matter of time before his luck ran out.

Magnus decided that he needed to do as much damage as he could before he fell to the princess' assault. Might as well go with my most successful technique, he thought, dropping into a familiar stance. Hasn't failed me yet, and sometimes precision is needed over strength.

(Te Affligam! – Magnus drops into a defensive counter-stance, attempting to bait the enemy into attacking him. If the enemy’s next roll fails, then Magnus parries them and counter-attacks for free, dealing 3 damage.)

The knight takes up his defensive stance, hoping to take her down with precise strikes...

Peach's blow: 40
But to his surprise, Peach simply puts her hands on her hips and remains standing, saying: "I'm not stupid, mister. You're going to hit me again, right? At least Bowser can be unpredictable." Shocked, Magnus drops his guard, as she quickly shoots another pink heart at his face, which hits his face again, feeling as if she was kissing him with giant lips.

Peach - 14
Magnus - 6

Magnus grimaced as he took the heart right in the face, viciously trying to bury the sensation to the back of his mind. He supposed he should have expected this; a good opponent rarely took the same bait twice, and a third time would be a miracle. With all the lust swimming around in his mind, though, he could be forgiven for making such a mistake.

Magnus fell back against the wall, barely managing to keep his footing. Unable to think of a good comeback--as well as a good many other things--he settled for a glare at the princess' pouting face. Fine. Precision out, strength in, then. She wants "unpredictable"? He clenched his teeth as he braced his foot against the wall, ready to throw the entire force of his body forward. How about this?!

(Impaling Charge – Only usable if the opponent is far away. Magnus points the tip of his poleaxe at the enemy, and sprints at them full-force, impaling them on the spear-point. Deals 4 damage if successful, but if dodged, then the opponent’s next attack is a guaranteed hit.)

(Huzzah! A time when I can actually use this, since neither combatant went in for a melee attack this turn. Like I said, I should probably redesign this guy a bit...)

Impaling Charge: 12 (Crown 43)
Seeing his chance, Magnus tightens the grip on his polearm, and starts dashing towards Peach, planning on taking her down with pure strength. The spear hits her side, and Magnus keeps on pushing her, until she crashes into the wall behind her.

Strip clothes: 30
The princess stumbles forward from the gigantic blow given to her, then walks up to him, and with an angry look, she says: "Alright mister, if you want to hurt me that much, I'll have to get a bit more forceful!". She grabs his greaves and pulls them down, then throws them away with surprising ease, revealing his erect member. "I'm going to hit you with my behind again... you better keep standing this time!"

Magnus felt a wry smile tugging at his lips. The stumbling, the anger--oh, yeah, the princess was definitely feeling his attacks now. Even if he lost, she was going to wake up the next morning with one hell of an ache. That knowledge filled him with confidence, even as he knew his end was coming soon. "I don't think so, Your Highness," he said, readying himself for the next attack. "I've survived spikes, fireballs, and hammers! I'm not gonna let 'ass-jump' be the one that finally takes me down." With that, he swung forward, not giving the princess a chance to exploit his now-ineffective counter-stance.

(Normal attack)

Normal attack: 79
He tries to hit her with the poleaxe, but she gracefully ducks under it, turns around, and jumps toward him...

Peach Bomber: 16
Unable to dodge, Magnus closes his eyes, hoping that he will somehow survive the massive blow that will surely rip a hole through him- and then she bumps up against his crotch. No pain, no flying through the wall, no ripping in half, only the pleasure of her rubbing her rump against his erect member. "See, mister! As soon as I hit someone, the magic automatically stops. But you just had to be mean and avoid me, and for that, I will punish you!" She bumps against him again, making him fall backward, and then starts bouncing up and down on him, sending waves of pleasure through him as she rubs against him.

Peach - 10
Magnus - 4

Shit, fuck, no, not like this, not like this! Magnus panicked as he saw the princess jumping toward him. He might have had a fairly dangerous occupation, but he wasn't ready to die yet! He instinctively threw his arms in front of his body in an effort to lessen the damage of the no-doubt fatal attack headed his way. No armor, no time to dodge--he was a dead man, and he knew it. He screwed his eyes shut.

Goodbye, world.

...

...

...Is dying supposed to feel this good?

Magnus slowly lowered his arms and opened his eyes to the sight of the princess grinding her ass against his crotch. Certainly a welcome sight compared to spilled blood and shattered bones--his fear evaporated instantly, to be replaced with barely-contained desire. He grit his teeth, fighting with every fiber of his being to keep his lust in check, even as the princess sent more and more pleasure running through his body. A little voice in the back of his head sang about how good it would feel to just surrender to the vision of beauty running her perfect ass up and down his shaft.

Not enough strength left for a hammer smash...can't summon the speed for a leg sweep...and she'd see right through my counter-stance. He clenched his poleaxe so hard his knuckles turned white. No, he couldn't give in just yet--not while there was a single muscle in his body still capable of fighting. With a grunt, he shakily stabbed his poleaxe forward in an attempt to drive the princess away from him.

(Normal attack)

Normal attack: 92 (Crown 27)
As the princess was still busy grinding against his rod, thinking that he had finally given in to her, Magnus puts his last strength into his arms, and stabs it towards her. Unable to see it coming, the princess was suddenly stabbed in the back, and she fell forward confused as Magnus quickly stood up.

Bonus attack!

Peach - 8
Magnus - 4

Magnus leaned against the wall behind him for support as he stood back up. The notable lack of princess ass rubbing against him allowed him to calm his mind down a bit, though he was still straining with the effort to not give in right then and there.

Still, as busy as most of his mind was, the rest of it was fully focused on the fight. And that part of Magnus' brain saw an opportunity--sprawled out on the floor as the princess was, she'd be hard-pressed to dodge a downward strike.

Magnus drew a shaky breath as he slowly lifted his poleaxe high. As difficult as this was to pull off in his current state, he knew that now was the best chance he was ever going to get. All he had to do was let gravity do the work for him.

(Te Occidam! – Magnus brings his poleaxe up high, and smashes the hammer into the enemy’s skull, dazing them and decreasing their accuracy for 2 turns (enemy must roll twice successfully in order to hit. Does not apply to guaranteed hits). Also deals 1 damage.)

Te Occidam!: 83
The princess looks up, only to see the poleaxe about to slam down upon her. She quickly rolls out of the way, Magnus' tired arms not able to put out enough strength to let it fall down quickly enough.

Peach's lips: 76
She gets on all fours, and crawls towards him. She smacks her lips, pouts, and gives a big kiss to his tip, making him shudder as a pink mark remains on it. "Looks like we can finally continue, mister!" she playfully says, before starting to suck on his member, shaking her hips enticingly as her head moves up and down.

Magnus shuddered as the waves of pleasure from the princess' wet, gentle sucking threatened to overwhelm him. The part of his mind focused on combat slowly dwindled away as he sank further onto the ground, all the strength leaving his body. His poleaxe slipped from his fingers, and clattered noisily to the ground.

His head felt like it was enveloped in fog. He wasn't even sure anymore why he was fighting the pleasure--only that he had to. His body had given in, but what was left of his consciousness was a dam; his last line of defense against the ecstasy. All of his concentration was being used to viciously deny the pleasure he was feeling, to block it off from flooding his body.

He had to endure. There was nothing else he could think to do, for he could hardly think at all.

(Turn pass)